What It Is To Be Down Low:

What Is It To Be Down Low?

My Definition:
A person who ellects to be on the Down Low, is trying to protect him/herself from being discovered indulging in activities (sexual in nature), that he would not like his/her family, relatives, friends or peers to become aware of!

With that definition in mind, let us explore all or most of the different concepts of being Down low.

a. Some Men & Women who are having sexual relationships or affairs outside of a relationship or marriage.

b. Some men who prefer that their spouse or woman does not get wind that they are Bisexual, and is indulging in sexual activities with men.

c. Some men who are Bi-sexual in nature, but refuses to accept it as a biological fact with them. Some are married with children, or in a relationship/s with women. But still crave the company of men sexually, and seek it out whenever they can quietly.

d. Some men, (though few in numbers), who have taken the responsibility upon themselves to notify their sexual partner, wife, woman or mate, that they are Bi-sexual, and is also having sexual affairs with a man or with other men.
Now these are just a few categories of the Down Low concept.

But it is not hard and fast in nature. I have found in my enquiries, that if you ask fifty individuals who admits that they are living on the Down low, to give their perspective about the life. You will get as many answers as the number of persons asked!

This Life Style is still evolving and re-inventing itself. In time I guess it will be properly understood for what it is. Until then, don't hold your breadth.

Om Shanti.
Derryck.

We defy The Gay Stereotypes:

We Defy Gay Stereotypical Behavior!

Today I read an article which was researched by Frank Leon Robert's of San Francisco Chronicle on 'Sexual Stereotypes.' It dealt primarily with the current expression/term Down Low life! This article (to my mind) has thrown some more light on the Down Low activities in the Afro- Latino American Sub-culture. He stressed that most Men who identify as Down Low are quite comfortable with this position/attitude.

They will take great pains to secure and protect this new identity from their families-co-workers-church comrades & friends (outside the life). He also stated that the Down Low sexuall activities within the Male Communities Of Color is a Show Of Defiance to The White Gay community that we (Blacks) do not concur or condone your type & expression of Sexual Identity or preference!

We as a community have different cultural experiences peculiar to ourselves, which prevents us from embracing your social position openly.

For example;
*A Black or Latino male who cannot provide the means of livelihood for his family does not get the respect as a man should within his community.

*A Black or latino male who has little or no education; has no job (permanent or temporary), cannot make definite plans for raising a family or saving for his child's college education.

*A Black or Latino male who is not married after around 25 years of age; is not seen regularly with women; is not perceived as a womanizer within his community, cannot expect to get the same social acceptance from his peers as the White male could.

*And finally; historically the black male was never allowed to manage his own house, because invariably his family was either on 'Welfare,' he was in 'Prison,' or hounded by the Child Support Court for accrued payments. Which invariably he could not provide (regularly), even if he wanted to!

These are just some of the things which have impacted the Heterosexual, & Bisexual Community, within the Black & Latino Communities of Color. They, by and large feel that this position of "Down low" is theirs to keep, to own, because it gives them the feeling of FREEDOM from Stereotypes hitherto, seen as BAD or Non-Black!

Peace!
Derryck S. Griffith.
Political Educator & Advocate.
Yahoo IM: mimbari2003

Outing a Down Low brotha:

February 08-2005:

Outing Down Low brothers!

Someone said in a response earlier that they would OUT a DL brotha if he knows the woman, or the woman is a sister of his. He gave several reasons for this, but I didn't copy them. However, I believe that when someone maliciously OUTS a brotha who is DL, because of a personal grudge or self-righteous indignation, then that person is MOST DISPICABLE, and should be treated with the utmost contempt!

It is not anyone business to OUT a brotha, because they feel that he should openly declare his undercover sexual activities. That is like doing what the White Gay community did in the eighties to several public personalities, because they felt that it was necessary, for ROLE MODEL or visibility purposes.

This to my mind is presumptuous, an infringement on one's privacy, and is downright EVIL.

Om Shanti.
Derryck.

Meeting men on The DL:

Meeting Men on the DL:

Welcome to the real world. Being on The Down low is not more difficult to meet a mate or sex partner, than those who are open with their sexuality or sexual preferences. I think what matters, is that you as an individual should be prepared to express yourself, your needs and desires, with a potential mate (at the outset), before any further communication.

This helps to prevent and control lots of mis-understandings about you and your intentions. I find that being able to say EXACTLY what you need or want, will send the signal to the other person that you are self-assured and confident.
Mind you, this approach can sometimes bring you quite a lot of FLAK from those that lack self-confidence. But you have to hold your ground.

And in time they will realize that you are FOR REAL.

Peace!
Derryck.
Yahoo IM: mimbari2003

How Do You Approach A Suspect DL Brotha In A Bar Or Club?

Question:
How Do You Approach A Suspect DL Brotha In A Bar or Club?

This question I have often found myself asking, and to date I have not been able to conclude. From past experiences clubbing and bar hopping, I have found some very interesting brothas, some very friendly, very obvious in their sexuality and preferences. But when I try (more often than not), to swing the conversation to sex or sexual preferences, I get the impression that an invisible barrier has suddenly been erected.

Most of them do not speak from a personal frame of reference, they speak around the discussion, saying things like the following: I know a brotha who likes men, and who is always checking me out. But he never actually came forward with an approach. I also know a brotha who I think is Gay or bisexual on the side. He mixes with women, but somehow, something tells me that he likes men sexually. But he plays the game very slick, and I cannot really tell what is his action.
Others say, I don't mind kicking it with a brotha, if he is gonna pay me a heck of a lot of money.

Then you get the odd brotha who allows himself to get highly inebriated, then he approaches you like he is totally drunk, and asks you what ya doing? And if you are up to some fun or whatever. All the time he is looking the other way, or pretending to be matter-of-fact! So, these are the mixed signals you get in clubs or bars most of the time. And you ask yourself, if you will ever get a positive signal from any of these brothas anytime soon.

I can also recall standing in a corner at bar some time ago. I felt a hand touch me twice on the Butt, and when I looked around the suspect looked the other way. On the third time when he touched me I asked him, 'do you want to ask me something bra,.' he got visibly agitated or angry, and pushed me to the wall. I looked at him in anger and amazement, then I told the bouncer what had happened, and he was asked to leave the bar.

He left immediately with some help from the bouncer, making all kinds of
accusations and shouting faggots in the house! So my friends, under these circumstances, how or when is it ripe to approach a Brotha in a Bar, Club, or Public place, when there is no clear signal that one can actually feel is right for an approach?

Peace!
Derryck.

Openly Gay man's desire for a fling with a DL brother:

TOPIC:
An Openly Gay Man's Desire For A Fling With A DL Brotha:

This is an age old story that all homosexuals have. Most of us Gay or Bisexual brothers at some point in time, or even currently, have seen and have lusted for a supposedly straight man. I can speak for myself ever since I was a teenager. This crush I experienced for some of my Primary School male teachers. Even in the army, I had crushes for some of my buddies.

This desire does not discriminate between who is seemingly open or who is not. Desire has no bounds sexually. What we do as Gay or Bisexual men, is try to confirm to our own kind. And this can limit us greatly in terms of good prospects, or love relationships.
Have you ever wondered why some married heterosexual men have a woman on the side along with his spouse? Whom he feels very dearly for, and provides for as much as he can.

These kinds of relationships exist long before you or I became a reality, and will continue for as long as humans exists on this planet.
So a Down Low or secretive homosexual or bisexual, is no different from the open and obvious in desire. It just happens that a lot of "Fem Gay men" would prefer men who is not as fem looking or behaving as they are.and that is a fact!

Om Shanti.
Derryck.
Yahoo IM : mimbari2003